Does Drinking Alcohol Help Numb Grief or Sends Us Down a Slippery Slope?

By Caroline Kahiu

Recently, I buried a close friend. His death was sudden, painful, and wounding. During the mourning period, friends agreed to meet to celebrate his life. The common denominator was a bottle of his favorite alcoholic drink as a way to numb the shrieking pain and shut out the horrifying reality of our loss, even for a short time. This had me thinking, is it reassuring to look for a ‘friend in a bottle’ to give us relief or will we be heading down a slippery slope? Are we also enlightened enough about the troubles of mixing alcohol and grief?

Nearly every person who dies leaves behind someone who must face grief. Grief is raw, deafening, and complex. No two people grieve the same way. Grief is deep and may make it difficult to find pleasure in anything. For some, the pain is bearable. Others feel like the world has stopped rotating or feel like they are floating through life without feeling it. While others come to terms with grief and move on fairly quickly, others find it difficult to cope and may choose to drink alcohol to avoid a painful reality.

Let us get a few facts straight.

First, alcohol is a depressant. It slows down the central nervous system and brain. Drinking alcohol releases dopamine in your brain, making you feel more normal and balanced when dealing with grief. It is a temporary coping strategy. It may give a sense of momentary relief, a way to forget about your loss, but this cannot last forever.

Second, it is important to understand that alcohol effectively blocks stress hormones that help us to cope with difficult scenarios. This means that consuming too much alcohol depletes cortisol levels, and this can cause our mood to go down and steadily increase irritability. Simply put, it makes us more anxious because what goes up must come down; meaning our mood will eventually decrease significantly.

Third, alcohol and healing- genuine healing- do not mix well and are incompatible. We all seek healing in different ways, and not always in the healthiest manner. Unfortunately, self-medicating the pain can lead to dependency and addiction. There is no form of self-medication with substances such as alcohol that will effectively erase the pain of loss. The sad reality is that alcohol being a depressant, intensifies negative emotions, such as shame and sadness.

So, how do we deal with the numbing and shrilling pain?

We begin by admitting and coming to terms that the loss of a loved one is devastating. Grief is universal and it takes time to go through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Grief is also very personal. It is not neat or does not come with a manual. It does not follow any timelines or schedules. You may cry, become angry, withdraw, or feel empty. None of these things are unusual but a ‘friend in the bottle’ is not a recommended solution. Eventually, it will do more damage than good- for you, your loved ones, and your friends.

Make deliberate efforts to contact loved ones. Turn to your support network for they will provide an ear to listen or just be there so you feel less alone. Take care of your physical health by making healthier choices. Get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise even if it means taking a ten-minute walk daily. If grief persists and you cannot function normally, consider seeking professional help. And, if you fall into the slippery slope of using alcohol to cope, there is no shame in asking for help.

Finally, grief no matter how bad it seems eventually comes to pass. Alcohol is not a medication for grief and it is not therapeutic. It is a drug. It provides temporary relief for a much deeper issue. While it may seem like it helps in the short term, using it as a coping strategy will only create bigger, longer-lasting problems. To my friends, we all need time, patience, and a willingness to feel everything to cope with the grief, not our departed friend’s premium alcoholic drink. Grief is a process that alcohol only delays.

Caroline Kahiu, Substance Use Prevention Advocate
carolinewkahiu@gmail.com